You know, if raising your voice worked, parenting would be simple, am I right? We could simply scream, “Jump!” and our kids would obey. child behavior problems would be a rare occurrence. Parenting advice to would come easy – just blow your top. But here’s the reality: it just does not work. I’ve told parents, “Look, if yelling at kids produced results, I’d be out of an income. You’d just be able to scream at your kid and he’d change. Or you would bring your son to my office, I’d yell at him and call him insults for 45 minutes, and then your child would go home and be sweet for a week. Once any adult had kids, parenting advice would be easy to dole out.

When a parent tells me they’re yelling to get their child’s attention, I understand, I’m a father myself and I’ve worked with adults and kids all my life. Let’s face it, it can be difficult being a stong parent, and it can be difficult being a child. I believe parents end up raising their voices at their kids because they’ve simply exhausted other ways to solve the problem. Instead, they rely on power to get the job done. And it works, so long as the other person is willing to accept this from you. But realize that once your child learns to yell back, your yelling will not make a difference. And make no mistake, yelling skills are harder for kids to get rid of than they are to learn.

In my experience, no parent should get into a screaming match with their child; it gives kids too much power. It also does not help you with the problem at hand, whether it’s getting your child to take out the trash, stop playing video games, or to come home on time. The other danger is that yelling turns you into your child’s emotional equal. When you’re out of control, they know it and for the time you’re in that fight with them, your respect is reduced.

The 3 Things Your Child Learns from Yelling:

• Your child learns that power is how things get done. More precisely, he learns that overpowering others is the easiest way to get things done.
• Your kid recognizes that his parents can blow their tops, and that by saying the right words, they can get you flustered Don’t underestimate this, once you’ve started using shouting as a behavior tool, you’ve handed over everything he needs to know about pushing your buttons.
• Your kids learn how to bring you down to their level. Mentally and emotionally, he quickly learns how to stop hearing your words when the shouting begins.

These are the reasons why the old school parenting advice of just yelling doesn’t work. Teaching your kids the opposite of what you want them to do is not the answer. Reducing your power down to a child’s level doesn’t work either. Screaming orders in order to get things done is not how to get your children to listen and follow.

This entry was posted on Friday, November 20th, 2009 at 10:32 pm and is filed under Parenting Tips. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.